A Prayer to St. Raphael.

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Prayer to St. Raphael (The Archangel)

O Raphael, lead us toward those we are waiting for, those who are waiting for us: Raphael, Angel of happy meeting, lead us by the hand toward those we are looking for. May all our movements be guided by your Light and transfigured with your joy.

Angel, guide of Tobias, lay the request we now address to you at the feet of Him on whose unveiled Face you are privileged to gaze. Lonely and tired, crushed by the separations and sorrows of life, we feel the need of calling to you and of pleading for the protection of your wings, so that we may not be as strangers in the province of joy, all ignorant of the concerns of our country. Remember the weak, you who are strong, you whose home lies beyond the region of thunder, in a land that is always peaceful, always serene and bright with the resplendent glory of God.

Lighting our Inner Candle and Finding where God Dwells

I think this search started at a really early age for me.  Like most people I took the road well traveled instead of the least traveled.  The road I took was filled with instant gratification, self searching and lead to emptiness and loneliness.

On this road my life had become absurd.  The word absurd comes from the Latin word surdus which mean deaf.  To  be completely deaf is to be absurdus.  Through self-seeking, instant gratification, indulgence in the party life style, I had become deaf.  My life had become absurd and my inner candle had dimmed to almost complete darkness.

It was from my life being absurd that my life had become less absurd and my inner candle became brighter.  I know this sounds paradoxical , but it is the truth.  We learn from our brokenness how to be full.  We are born to eternal life through our death.  Christ's passion is the ultimate example of this.  It is through this mystery  that we can and will grow spiritually.  As a child learns not to touch a hot stove by burning them self, we learn how to listen by becoming deaf.

Many people of the 12 step program have found a good way to start this spiritual journey, especially if they struggled with the ideal of God.  But if one already has a faith, one can learn this through prayer, meditation and living in the moment.

The search for God really starts from within.  God and Christ dwells in our hearts.  God communicates through love.  This love must start of the self.  We must learn not to focus on our past, our mistakes, things we have said or done.  By learning to let these go and forgiving ourselves we can start loving ourselves.

We must also learn not to project ourselves and think of the future so much.  If I can only have that promotion, if I could only find that perfect mate, what if my father dies, what if I lose my job, etc.  By preoccupying ourselves with these if's and what if's, we lose sight of today and this moment.

In Revelations 21:2-5, God is telling us he is with us, he is within us.  God will wipe away our tears, heal our pain and end our mourning.  We must learn to listen to that voice that dwells within us.  When we are listening to God, and in a relationship with Him through prayer, we will find these promises to come true.  We will be able to have joy within our mourning, our pains will be healed and our tears will be wiped away.  Our lives will not be crippled by these emotions and feelings and we will not be living in darkness.  For the light of our inner candle will bring us warmth through God's love that dwells within us.

How can we do this?  Myself, I found it within the Rosary.  The Rosary is a very powerful prayer tool.  It is prayer, meditation, mental and physical.  But one can start as simple as repeating the Lord's Prayer (The Our Father), or the Jesus Prayer , or just by saying Jesus.  By erasing the days thoughts, wants and desires and focusing on the inner us, we will be able to quiet ourselves and hear God and light the candle that is within us.

Just 10 minutes a day of this simple prayer will help us to listen.  By listening our lives can become less absurd and we will begin to live within our hearts, where God dwells and our inner candle can shine more brightly.

Fr. Stan Fortuna

I first saw him on EWTN.  I love the way he preaches, street preaching style.  I hope more young Catholics and Christians get a chance to be exposed to him!

He is going to be in Indianapolis on October 17th with Scott Hahn at the Indiana Men's Catholic Conference.

Grateful Dead 37 years ago Today

you can listen to it here!

I heard this on my way in to work this morning.  Unfortunetly the soundboard recording is not available on line for streaming, but this is a very fine audience recording.

The China Cat jam into Rider is awesome!  Phil is all over the place.

My nephew Theo's Baptism

Today, I get to witness and stand as Godfather for my nephew Theo's baptism.  It's both an honor and a privilege.  I was asked to write my wishes and hopes for Theo.

-

Theo, July 4th, 2008

Dear Theo,

It is my hopes that you look back on this day as a source of strength and encouragement of your faith.  That you always feel the presences of the Holy Spirit and never know a day when Jesus is not walking with you on your journey.

May you love from your heart and not just from your mind and remember always God's charge and glorious promise to you.

Love, your Godfather,

RJ

The Exact Image of God

Col 1:15
"He is the Image of the Invisible God, the firstborn of all creation"

Jesus is the Image of the Invisible God, is what this verse says to me.  In my heart I hear, Jesus is the image of the suffering God.   This hits me like Pujols bat on a fastball straight down the pipe.  I dont think I ever really put it together until I read this passage.

Many words can be used to describe Jesus:  Humble,  Love, Healing, Gentle, Light, Teacher, Compassion, and Suffering.  It's this last word that really hits home.  Suffering.  In Matthew 11:29-30 Jesus invites us to accept the burden, the burden of the world, which includes the suffering of humanity.  Jesus himself is suffering.  His passion stands witness to the suffering of humanity that he took upon himself.

What really strikes me is that God is suffering.  This is a new thought to me.  To actually think of God as suffering.  Many of us have an image of a fatherly figure, white beard, sitting on a thrown, all powerful.  Not this suffering God.  But here we have Jesus, nailed to a cross, beaten, broken and He is the exact image of the invisible God.  What a foreign thought.  It took years for me to really, I mean really to understand (as much as my human mind can) and to see the suffering Christ.  It wasnt until my own human bondage was too much for me to carry that I had to take up Christ's yoke that I could carry my own.

It was through my own suffering that I was able to create the new me.  To allow change, to be lead to conversion, to know that I am not alone in my suffering.  It is comforting to know that God is suffering with me.  I am not sure why I never put the two together.  Jesus is God.  As Jesus said in John 14:10-12, He is one within the Father and the Father is in Him.  So why did I not see God as suffering?

I think its hard for us as humans to accept our suffering and its even harder for us to accept a suffering God.  As a child, I always felt sadness when I looked at the crucifix and had a deep understanding of His Passion.  I think the Passion story hit me more than the Christmas story, but was very hard to accept.  We do this in our own human condition.  We hide our brokenness.  We buy things to make us feel good.  We engage in physical love without the bond of real love to feel good.  We do not want to look at our suffering.

Without the acceptance of our own suffering, of our pain, we can never see the face of God.  The story of Job is the perfect example of this.  After all his suffering, all his pious friends telling him that he must have sinned against God, after all Job's yelling, ranting about justice and his day in court with God, he accepts it all without an answer after God finally talks to him.  Job had to look within his own heart to find God, and once he heard God, there was no need of an answer to why.  Because Job accepted his suffering and God, he was able to carry his load.

It is this acceptance and acknowledging his pain and suffering that leads Job to God.  It was through my own suffering that I was able to find God and truly understand agape love.  A love so true and honest, a love of myself, of God and of my own human condition.

Christ asks us, he begs of us to embrace our suffering.  Thru our suffering we grow in our spirituality.  We move closer to Christ and become more Christ like.

Finding agape.

a⋅ga⋅pe [ah-gah-pey, ah-guh-pey, ag-uh] -

–noun, plural

-Unselfish Love

For the first time in my life,  I know this.  I have looked for the ultimate love.  I thought I would find it thru the opposite sex, I thought I would find it in my friends.  But I found it from within.  The place where God dwells, the heart.

It wasnt till after I learned solitude (I have always been alone, but never in solitude), silence (I have known places of no sound or talk, but never silence) and prayer (I have known foxhole prayers, wants, desires, wishes, but not true communion in prayer); that I found agape.  After a period of searching within, quieting myself, I found true love and acceptance.  My heart beats in an unceasing prayer for Love and Mercy thru Jesus.

Solitude was the first lesson I had to learn.  I have always felt like I was alone, a loner, out cast, unwanted, rejected by my peers.  But thru all this loneliness I did not know solitude.  After I worked thru my character defects, and really looked at them and saw what my role was in my life and in how people reacted and treated me, that I was able to quiet myself down and actually sit in solitude.  Alone, or with someone, I can find solitude.  It's that place where you feel comfortable with yourself.  It's a little voice that says "its ok to be me".  At that point, I could actually feel myself and be comfortable.  It wasnt, "what do they think of me", "am I handsome enough", "am I thin enough", "do I have enough money".  It was "I am ok, I am ok to be me. Hello friend", that I was able to find solitude.  Not to have all my peers defining me, but me defining myself.

After I found solitude, I was able to find silence.  I was able to remove the bombarding of words that are all around us.  I was able to not want to have the TV on or constant music.  I found it easy to sit in silence, to drive without sound.  To quiet my mind.  Just think about it, we are constantly walking thru a dictionary, words on the radio/TV, billboards, signs, people talking etc.  It's like the world is one big dictionary, words all around us.  But thru solitude I was able to find silence, to stop hearing and seeing all these words, to listen to my own heart.  My mind stopped trying to figure "it" all out.

All this started with a simple prayer "Jesus, please come to my heart, fill me with your Love and Mercy".  It became my mantra.  When I put my seatbelt on, "Jesus, please come to my heart".  In a sigh, "Jesus fill my heart with your love".  When I feel frustration, "Jesus, have mercy on me"  It became automatic.  I didnt have to think about it, it was as if, once I was experiencing silence and solitude, my heart beat these words.  It came from within, the place were God dwells in each of us.  We always seem to be looking up or around us for God, but all we need to do is to stop.  Just STOP, and listen and he is there, just waiting to be heard.

Solitude+Silence+Prayer=Agape

Job 42:5

"I had heard of you by word of mouth, but now my eyes has seen you"

Moving to Wordpress.com

I am moving my blog to wordpress.com

Here is a picture of my new Jeep with the doors off. It was so much fun driving with out the doors. A bit nerve wrecking at first thou. Too bad the rains came today, had to put them back on and the top. I am so looking forward to next summer!

Here is a picture of my new Jeep with the doors off. It was so much fun driving with out the doors. A bit nerve wrecking at first thou. Too bad the rains came today, had to put them back on and the top. I am so looking forward to next summer!

Ok, I am sitting here at work, working on a bank rec and listening to my iTunes library. A band came on called "All Natural Lemon and Lime Flavors". They are an excellent shoegaze band.

I have to admit, I am rather disappointed in how hard it is to find new shoegaze bands. The sound is so beautifully noisy and artfully soothing. Does anyone out there know of any bands currently releasing shoegaze genre stuff.

Sometimes I just want to submerse myself in this genre. oooooo, where oooooo where have you shoegazers gone?

Ok, I am sitting here at work, working on a bank rec and listening to my iTunes library. A band came on called "All Natural Lemon and Lime Flavors". They are an excellent shoegaze band.

I have to admit, I am rather disappointed in how hard it is to find new shoegaze bands. The sound is so beautifully noisy and artfully soothing. Does anyone out there know of any bands currently releasing shoegaze genre stuff.

Sometimes I just want to submerse myself in this genre. oooooo, where oooooo where have you shoegazers gone?

IMG00025-20090604-1910.jpg

My new wheels. Dream come true. I have always wanted a jeep.

T

 

IMG00025-20090604-1910.jpg

My new wheels. Dream come true. I have always wanted a jeep.

T

 

Bug in Blackberry OS 5.0 for the storm

This is too funny. Notice anything odd?

Bug in Blackberry OS 5.0 for the storm

This is too funny. Notice anything odd?

BlackBerry Messenger Bar code

The new blackberry messenger 5.0 has added a new feature of an unique bar code that you can scan. This illuminates having to type in pen numbers.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

BlackBerry Messenger Bar code

The new blackberry messenger 5.0 has added a new feature of an unique bar code that you can scan. This illuminates having to type in pen numbers.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Community Conversation Series - Economic Developement

Haiku

Warm and feels like home
Internal joy radiates
Three with me always

Haiku

Warm and feels like home
Internal joy radiates
Three with me always

My Second Dead Show Deer Creek Music Center on 1990-07-19

Wow, found this on Internet Archive.  Anyways, this was my second Grateful Dead show. I will try to post a picture from it that I have at home in the parking lot.  But I love how they came out of space into watch tower.  I swear it sounded like a UFO landed, of course it could have been the .......

My Second Dead Show Deer Creek Music Center on 1990-07-19

Wow, found this on Internet Archive.  Anyways, this was my second Grateful Dead show. I will try to post a picture from it that I have at home in the parking lot.  But I love how they came out of space into watch tower.  I swear it sounded like a UFO landed, of course it could have been the .......

A Nightly Act of Contrition

I have made it a habit to mediate on my my day before I go to bed every evening.  This has really helped to strengthen me spiritually.  Taking the time to look at my faults during the day, help me realize where I am failing and where I have grown.  Afterwards I say the Act of Contrition.  This is really an amazing prayer the church has given us.

There are many different ones I have seen over the years.  I tend to combine a couple that I have been exposed to, but the roots of the Act of Contrition that I use is one I learned and heard as a child and is in a prayer book that was my Grandpa's (my mom's dad). 

But as I am getting ready for bed this evening, I thought I would post my Act of Contrition and ask for forgiveness and promise to continue to amend my life through the grace of our Lord.

Oh my God, I am heartily sorry for offending thee, for I detest all my sins, because I fear the lost Heaven and the pains of hell, but most of because they offend thee, my God, who is all good and deserving of all my love.  I firmly resolve, with the help of thy grace, to sin no more, to avoid the near occasion of sin and to amend my life.

In the name of Jesus Christ, have mercy on me.

Amend.

A Nightly Act of Contrition

I have made it a habit to mediate on my my day before I go to bed every evening.  This has really helped to strengthen me spiritually.  Taking the time to look at my faults during the day, help me realize where I am failing and where I have grown.  Afterwards I say the Act of Contrition.  This is really an amazing prayer the church has given us.

There are many different ones I have seen over the years.  I tend to combine a couple that I have been exposed to, but the roots of the Act of Contrition that I use is one I learned and heard as a child and is in a prayer book that was my Grandpa's (my mom's dad). 

But as I am getting ready for bed this evening, I thought I would post my Act of Contrition and ask for forgiveness and promise to continue to amend my life through the grace of our Lord.

Oh my God, I am heartily sorry for offending thee, for I detest all my sins, because I fear the lost Heaven and the pains of hell, but most of because they offend thee, my God, who is all good and deserving of all my love.  I firmly resolve, with the help of thy grace, to sin no more, to avoid the near occasion of sin and to amend my life.

In the name of Jesus Christ, have mercy on me.

Amend.

Time for a new prayer! :)

ok, I give! I do not have the motivation to pick up after myself. I guess it feels worthless since I am always alone, kinda like a pig, just waller in my my own caca.

I am going to have to take this to a higher authority. So, I am going to try to straighten up tonite while dinner is cooking in the slow cooker!

Supplication:

please lord, give me the strength and the will to clean up my home, to throw out what is not needed. To let go of meaningless material things. I am powerless over my slothfulness on he weekends and humbly ask you and your Blessed Mother for help in motivation.

Time for a new prayer! :)

ok, I give! I do not have the motivation to pick up after myself. I guess it feels worthless since I am always alone, kinda like a pig, just waller in my my own caca.

I am going to have to take this to a higher authority. So, I am going to try to straighten up tonite while dinner is cooking in the slow cooker!

Supplication:

please lord, give me the strength and the will to clean up my home, to throw out what is not needed. To let go of meaningless material things. I am powerless over my slothfulness on he weekends and humbly ask you and your Blessed Mother for help in motivation.

My will vs. God's will

We are creatures of habit.  Fortunately, through my life I have developed a habit of searching for the meaning of life.  What's it all about.  A higher plane of living.  Unfortunately, I spent a lot of time looking for this outside of God and Christ.  But, I have to admit, I have a greater understanding and love for my Catholic family tradition and spirituality today than most that have not taken the road less traveled.

As well, unfortunately, while traveling on this road, I have had a lot of practice of following my own will.  In the last 3 years, I have been learning to listen for God's will and to silence myself so I can.  When I first came back to the Church, I had one and only one real prayer (ok, two)

1. God, bless let me hear your  voice.

2. Please give me a spouse/partner in life.

But the main prayer was the first prayer.  I prayed it before Mass every Sunday, and almost every evening.  God answers his prayers, but in His will not our will.  By giving me trials in life, I have learned to turn to Him and let the Holy Spirit guide me so that I can find his will in my life.  

Today I find it much easier to live in his will.  Things that I thought were not sinful or poor behavior, today is.  I find myself wanting to stay way from things that will distance me from God, or put a wedge between our relationship.  I can actually say today that I have a "relationship" with Christ.

Today, I am praying to keep my mind and heart open to love, for the answer for prayer 2, by living His will.  In the past, I have used my will to look for love.  This goes hand in hand to the old saying "Looking for love in all the wrong places".  I am praying that God will lead me to the love that my soul desires.  The one that he has made me for.  God does not want us to be alone.  He created man and women to live together and share in His Love.  Today, I am not looking for love, but for the Light of our Blessed Mother and Christ to lead me to that love.  Keeping my heart open to ideals and situations that I would in the past have closed my heart off to, cause it didn't follow my will.

As I remain in Him and His love, He shall remain in me.  Christ will lead me to true love.

Supplication,

Please Lord fill my heart with your Divine love.  Lead me to the earthly love that my heart craves, but let your Love be full filling and all desiring.   Help me to live your will, and open my heart to the love you desire for my life.  Blessed Mother, guide me to your Son's ever lasting Light, that illuminates the mind and magnifies my soul.  St. Joesph, when I do find that love, please guide me in it.  To be fully attentive to her, to protect her and guide her as you guided our Blessed Mother through the dessert back to the place of your birth so that our Lord could be born in safety.  

In Christ I petition.

My will vs. God's will

We are creatures of habit.  Fortunately, through my life I have developed a habit of searching for the meaning of life.  What's it all about.  A higher plane of living.  Unfortunately, I spent a lot of time looking for this outside of God and Christ.  But, I have to admit, I have a greater understanding and love for my Catholic family tradition and spirituality today than most that have not taken the road less traveled.

As well, unfortunately, while traveling on this road, I have had a lot of practice of following my own will.  In the last 3 years, I have been learning to listen for God's will and to silence myself so I can.  When I first came back to the Church, I had one and only one real prayer (ok, two)

1. God, bless let me hear your  voice.

2. Please give me a spouse/partner in life.

But the main prayer was the first prayer.  I prayed it before Mass every Sunday, and almost every evening.  God answers his prayers, but in His will not our will.  By giving me trials in life, I have learned to turn to Him and let the Holy Spirit guide me so that I can find his will in my life.  

Today I find it much easier to live in his will.  Things that I thought were not sinful or poor behavior, today is.  I find myself wanting to stay way from things that will distance me from God, or put a wedge between our relationship.  I can actually say today that I have a "relationship" with Christ.

Today, I am praying to keep my mind and heart open to love, for the answer for prayer 2, by living His will.  In the past, I have used my will to look for love.  This goes hand in hand to the old saying "Looking for love in all the wrong places".  I am praying that God will lead me to the love that my soul desires.  The one that he has made me for.  God does not want us to be alone.  He created man and women to live together and share in His Love.  Today, I am not looking for love, but for the Light of our Blessed Mother and Christ to lead me to that love.  Keeping my heart open to ideals and situations that I would in the past have closed my heart off to, cause it didn't follow my will.

As I remain in Him and His love, He shall remain in me.  Christ will lead me to true love.

Supplication,

Please Lord fill my heart with your Divine love.  Lead me to the earthly love that my heart craves, but let your Love be full filling and all desiring.   Help me to live your will, and open my heart to the love you desire for my life.  Blessed Mother, guide me to your Son's ever lasting Light, that illuminates the mind and magnifies my soul.  St. Joesph, when I do find that love, please guide me in it.  To be fully attentive to her, to protect her and guide her as you guided our Blessed Mother through the dessert back to the place of your birth so that our Lord could be born in safety.  

In Christ I petition.

This morning.

Grrrrrrrrr! Don't you just hate it when you push snooze too many times on your alarm clock.  I so wanted to get up early so I can read through the Magnificat this morning and do my morning prayers.  Here is the morning prayer I missed.  I will try to read through them this morning, but I am not able to dedicate the concentration to allow my soul to sing the praises God so deserves while at work.

I am trying to let God's will run my body, mind and soul.  Its so hard sometimes.  Sometimes my will just barks and over shadows God's voice.  I need to tell that needy little puppy inside of me to quiet down and to listen to the Master's voice.  That's what my prayer time is for me.  That's what I missed this morning.  I know reading through the morning prayers at work is still good and God loves it just as much if I took the time to let my soul sing His praises, but it is also a perfect example how I let my will run.  Pushing snooze is such a meaningless thing, but its a prime example of my selfish will.  I feel, if I can break that selfish behavior, that it would be true progress for my soul.

Supplication:

Please Lord hear my prayers and my soul sing your praise.  Give me a new song to sing.  Take my eyes, mouth and ears and fill them with your love.  Allow me to see the beauty within all and to love with just a fraction of what your love is.  For your love is all giving and all glorious.  

Heavenly Mother and Queen, please take my hand and lead me to your Son, our God and His Spirit.  Fill me with your light, so that I can find my way back home into Your arms and carry me to our Lord who is all Love.

In Christ, Amen.

This morning.

Grrrrrrrrr! Don't you just hate it when you push snooze too many times on your alarm clock.  I so wanted to get up early so I can read through the Magnificat this morning and do my morning prayers.  Here is the morning prayer I missed.  I will try to read through them this morning, but I am not able to dedicate the concentration to allow my soul to sing the praises God so deserves while at work.

I am trying to let God's will run my body, mind and soul.  Its so hard sometimes.  Sometimes my will just barks and over shadows God's voice.  I need to tell that needy little puppy inside of me to quiet down and to listen to the Master's voice.  That's what my prayer time is for me.  That's what I missed this morning.  I know reading through the morning prayers at work is still good and God loves it just as much if I took the time to let my soul sing His praises, but it is also a perfect example how I let my will run.  Pushing snooze is such a meaningless thing, but its a prime example of my selfish will.  I feel, if I can break that selfish behavior, that it would be true progress for my soul.

Supplication:

Please Lord hear my prayers and my soul sing your praise.  Give me a new song to sing.  Take my eyes, mouth and ears and fill them with your love.  Allow me to see the beauty within all and to love with just a fraction of what your love is.  For your love is all giving and all glorious.  

Heavenly Mother and Queen, please take my hand and lead me to your Son, our God and His Spirit.  Fill me with your light, so that I can find my way back home into Your arms and carry me to our Lord who is all Love.

In Christ, Amen.

Mary

I was walking

my feet leading my mind

reminding myself the feelings I have today

wont last forever

Feeling lost in my own thoughts

I turned to my heart

knowing that her love is always there

leading me to true love and wisdom

Her light is unwavering

Her light is true

She leads you to love

that burns so true

It was raining

and I was without a jacket

feeling run down and dead

She shelters me from my storm

Knowing that I am not alone

but always feeling that way

until i open my heart

and let her lead the way

Her light is unwavering

Her light is true

She leads you to love

that burns so true

She sings in my heart

"Magnificat anima mea Dominum"

leading me out of the darkness 

and into His Light

She sings in my heart

"Magnificat anima mea Dominum"

"Magnificat anima mea Dominum"

"Magnificat anima mea Dominum"

Mary

I was walking

my feet leading my mind

reminding myself the feelings I have today

wont last forever

Feeling lost in my own thoughts

I turned to my heart

knowing that her love is always there

leading me to true love and wisdom

Her light is unwavering

Her light is true

She leads you to love

that burns so true

It was raining

and I was without a jacket

feeling run down and dead

She shelters me from my storm

Knowing that I am not alone

but always feeling that way

until i open my heart

and let her lead the way

Her light is unwavering

Her light is true

She leads you to love

that burns so true

She sings in my heart

"Magnificat anima mea Dominum"

leading me out of the darkness 

and into His Light

She sings in my heart

"Magnificat anima mea Dominum"

"Magnificat anima mea Dominum"

"Magnificat anima mea Dominum"

Sadness in my soul.

I have been experiencing some sadness in my soul.  I have a few friends going through some tough times, that I have been experiencing sadness for.  But I have also been experiencing loneliness and sadness of my own as well. 

I have a strong and supportive family (parents and sibling), but my soul longs for more.  I long for the feeling that I belong to someone and to share my life with someone.  I try to keep my focus on Christ, and most days he fills my heart with happiness and serenity.  But sometimes I feel empty inside and a darkness that over comes it.  I know God does this for trails.  I have read many stories from Saints about this darkness or spiritual dryness that arises.  I am not changing my prayers, other than increasing them.

I know God made us not to be alone.

Supplication:

Please Blessed Mother, hear my prayers for a spouse.  St Raphael please intercede, for my soul desires a family of my own, a spouse to grow with and to share life with.  Please Christ continue to fill me with your love and teach me to be more merciful to my brothers and sisters.

Sadness in my soul.

I have been experiencing some sadness in my soul.  I have a few friends going through some tough times, that I have been experiencing sadness for.  But I have also been experiencing loneliness and sadness of my own as well. 

I have a strong and supportive family (parents and sibling), but my soul longs for more.  I long for the feeling that I belong to someone and to share my life with someone.  I try to keep my focus on Christ, and most days he fills my heart with happiness and serenity.  But sometimes I feel empty inside and a darkness that over comes it.  I know God does this for trails.  I have read many stories from Saints about this darkness or spiritual dryness that arises.  I am not changing my prayers, other than increasing them.

I know God made us not to be alone.

Supplication:

Please Blessed Mother, hear my prayers for a spouse.  St Raphael please intercede, for my soul desires a family of my own, a spouse to grow with and to share life with.  Please Christ continue to fill me with your love and teach me to be more merciful to my brothers and sisters.

Havent Posted for a few.

Holy week was crazy busy with me.  I tried to spend more time in personal prayer and fasting.  I also had about 3 rehearsals for a wedding I had to play the Saturday of Easter weekend.

I was rather dissapointed that I had to play that wedding, when we booked it I had not realized that it was the Saturday of Easter weekend and I was going to miss Easter Vigil Mass.   I also missed seeing the members of the RCIA program being baptized and confirmed into the church.  

I enjoyed being part of the RCIA class, and I found myself growing spiritually stronger thru the year.  I plan on staying involved with the program for next year.

Havent Posted for a few.

Holy week was crazy busy with me.  I tried to spend more time in personal prayer and fasting.  I also had about 3 rehearsals for a wedding I had to play the Saturday of Easter weekend.

I was rather dissapointed that I had to play that wedding, when we booked it I had not realized that it was the Saturday of Easter weekend and I was going to miss Easter Vigil Mass.   I also missed seeing the members of the RCIA program being baptized and confirmed into the church.  

I enjoyed being part of the RCIA class, and I found myself growing spiritually stronger thru the year.  I plan on staying involved with the program for next year.

BASEBALL! Cardinals, Colby Rasmus, will he make the cut?

Ok, its been awhile since I posted something about Baseball.  One of my all time favorite topics.

I haven't been able to follow the Cardinals spring training season that much since I have been so busy with work.  But I am getting really excited that we will be seeing Colby Rasmus in the outfield.  Its looking like we (yes I am sorry Mark Patrick, I say we when I am talking about my team on MY blog!) will have 4 men for the outfield this year.  I am really excited to see what Colby's bat can do this year.  

Colby's stats for this spring training in the Grapefruit League are as follows (yes I am going to copy and paste them, sorry again, provided by MLB)

G    AB    R    H   2B  3B  HR   RBI    TB   BB  SO  SB   CS    OBP      SLG      AVG
20    6    12   17   6     1      0      5      25     7   19   3     0    0.358    0.417    0.283

BASEBALL! Cardinals, Colby Rasmus, will he make the cut?

Ok, its been awhile since I posted something about Baseball.  One of my all time favorite topics.

I haven't been able to follow the Cardinals spring training season that much since I have been so busy with work.  But I am getting really excited that we will be seeing Colby Rasmus in the outfield.  Its looking like we (yes I am sorry Mark Patrick, I say we when I am talking about my team on MY blog!) will have 4 men for the outfield this year.  I am really excited to see what Colby's bat can do this year.  

Colby's stats for this spring training in the Grapefruit League are as follows (yes I am going to copy and paste them, sorry again, provided by MLB)

G    AB    R    H   2B  3B  HR   RBI    TB   BB  SO  SB   CS    OBP      SLG      AVG
20    6    12   17   6     1      0      5      25     7   19   3     0    0.358    0.417    0.283

Emotions is a funny thing.

Human nature is odd.  Its funny how we react to things and what emotions surface.  I have a singles profile on Catholic Match dot com.  Its basically a singles and social network for Catholics.  But I have been trading emails with a woman in Kansas, I am in Indianapolis, Indiana.  She said in her last email that she is dating someone now exclusively but would like to still remain email friends.   The funny thing is that she is over 13 hours away, and only been talking a little, but I had a wave of sadness and hopeless feeling.

I have been single most of my life, and never have married.  In the past when relationships ended, I was totally crushed and paralyzed from it.  Also in the past, when I would get the feeling that I mentioned above, I would project that that feeling would be forever.  That I will always be alone, and always feel hopeless and sad.

But even thou that feeling and emotion was just a moment, I was taken back that I could be effected like that, even for a moment.  I have grown a lot spiritually and in my emotional being in the last year.  (leaps actually!) Before the old me would let that feeling take over.  Instead today I can feel it for a second recognize it and move on.  But I just really thought it was odd that I even felt that way.  I even had a slight feeling of rejection, even thou I had not been rejected, or had any real reason to feel that way.

We react in such funny ways to things.  I am just happy that today I don't have to let my human feelings and emotions crush me.  Through my connection with God and his only begotten son, Jesus Christ, I am more balance and have a better ideal of what true love is.

Its nice to feel good, but that's such a short lived feeling.  I will just have to continue to pray and grow in my relationship with Christ and hope that its God's will that I will share love in this existence with a mate.

Emotions is a funny thing.

Human nature is odd.  Its funny how we react to things and what emotions surface.  I have a singles profile on Catholic Match dot com.  Its basically a singles and social network for Catholics.  But I have been trading emails with a woman in Kansas, I am in Indianapolis, Indiana.  She said in her last email that she is dating someone now exclusively but would like to still remain email friends.   The funny thing is that she is over 13 hours away, and only been talking a little, but I had a wave of sadness and hopeless feeling.

I have been single most of my life, and never have married.  In the past when relationships ended, I was totally crushed and paralyzed from it.  Also in the past, when I would get the feeling that I mentioned above, I would project that that feeling would be forever.  That I will always be alone, and always feel hopeless and sad.

But even thou that feeling and emotion was just a moment, I was taken back that I could be effected like that, even for a moment.  I have grown a lot spiritually and in my emotional being in the last year.  (leaps actually!) Before the old me would let that feeling take over.  Instead today I can feel it for a second recognize it and move on.  But I just really thought it was odd that I even felt that way.  I even had a slight feeling of rejection, even thou I had not been rejected, or had any real reason to feel that way.

We react in such funny ways to things.  I am just happy that today I don't have to let my human feelings and emotions crush me.  Through my connection with God and his only begotten son, Jesus Christ, I am more balance and have a better ideal of what true love is.

Its nice to feel good, but that's such a short lived feeling.  I will just have to continue to pray and grow in my relationship with Christ and hope that its God's will that I will share love in this existence with a mate.

Ezekiel 18:30-32 (from today's morning Liturgy)

In today's Liturgy, Ezekiel 18:30-32, we hear God calling us to repent.  Today we are having Reconciliation Mass at St. Simon The Apostle.  I am looking forward to be able to deal with my sins.  The closer I get to our Lord, the more I see how wrong I have been living my life.  Things I never have considered sin, I am starting to see how destructive they were, and how they separated me from God.  

As my spiritual journey keeps trucking along, I see myself wanting to grow ever more closer to our Lord.  With the help of our Blessed Ever Virgin Mother, I am being lead to the Light of her Son.  I am also learning that most of my sins are do to desiring to be loved and or to feel love.  My sins are from doing things to "feel" love, and its easily confused with "feeling good".  The emptiness one has after doing something that feels good, is a true sign that we are actually desiring to feel love and to live within love.  Short cuts are not the answer and I am learning that.

This reading today calls us to repent, and stop living in death (separated from God) but to truly live, to live in the Love of God, Christ and the Holy Spirit.

I pray as I continue to confess my sins, to do penance, and to amend my life, that God will grace me with the Holy Spirit.  I long to feel complete, to feel loved, to live in love.  To love my fellow humans as we all should, the way Christ wants us to.

On a side note, if anyone is interested in reading the daily Liturgy, they may go here, this is my daily source.

Ezekiel 18:30-32 (from today's morning Liturgy)

In today's Liturgy, Ezekiel 18:30-32, we hear God calling us to repent.  Today we are having Reconciliation Mass at St. Simon The Apostle.  I am looking forward to be able to deal with my sins.  The closer I get to our Lord, the more I see how wrong I have been living my life.  Things I never have considered sin, I am starting to see how destructive they were, and how they separated me from God.  

As my spiritual journey keeps trucking along, I see myself wanting to grow ever more closer to our Lord.  With the help of our Blessed Ever Virgin Mother, I am being lead to the Light of her Son.  I am also learning that most of my sins are do to desiring to be loved and or to feel love.  My sins are from doing things to "feel" love, and its easily confused with "feeling good".  The emptiness one has after doing something that feels good, is a true sign that we are actually desiring to feel love and to live within love.  Short cuts are not the answer and I am learning that.

This reading today calls us to repent, and stop living in death (separated from God) but to truly live, to live in the Love of God, Christ and the Holy Spirit.

I pray as I continue to confess my sins, to do penance, and to amend my life, that God will grace me with the Holy Spirit.  I long to feel complete, to feel loved, to live in love.  To love my fellow humans as we all should, the way Christ wants us to.

On a side note, if anyone is interested in reading the daily Liturgy, they may go here, this is my daily source.

Father Corapi's Story

I was watching EWTN last Sunday night and heard basically Father Corapi's "Lead" or his story.  It really moved me.  I remember when I was down and out my mom said the same thing, why don't you try praying and she re-taught me the Hail Mary and gave me her Dad's Rosary.  This clip here is just about his conversion.  If you get a chance, watch

Father Corapi's Story

I was watching EWTN last Sunday night and heard basically Father Corapi's "Lead" or his story.  It really moved me.  I remember when I was down and out my mom said the same thing, why don't you try praying and she re-taught me the Hail Mary and gave me her Dad's Rosary.  This clip here is just about his conversion.  If you get a chance, watch

Catholicipod.com

Catholicipod.com is an awesome site I found.  It has audio files/podcasts you can download for free!

can download such stuff as

Mother Angelica's Holy Rosary

Father Corapi's story of conversion

Stations of the Cross

Chaplet of Divine Mercy

and many more!

Catholicipod.com

Catholicipod.com is an awesome site I found.  It has audio files/podcasts you can download for free!

can download such stuff as

Mother Angelica's Holy Rosary

Father Corapi's story of conversion

Stations of the Cross

Chaplet of Divine Mercy

and many more!

Debit card compromised

Well just got a call from my bank, someone compromised my debit card and drained my account.  With a bunch of overdrafts.  Looks like I have to pray from this person, whomever it is.  Hopefully that's not my future in the picture up there.  Thank God I am a musician, guess its time for me to buy that pirate outfit I always wanted.  (wait, I'm flat broke from bank fraud! jeez!)

Debit card compromised

Well just got a call from my bank, someone compromised my debit card and drained my account.  With a bunch of overdrafts.  Looks like I have to pray from this person, whomever it is.  Hopefully that's not my future in the picture up there.  Thank God I am a musician, guess its time for me to buy that pirate outfit I always wanted.  (wait, I'm flat broke from bank fraud! jeez!)

A friend asked "Why was Jesus Baptized"

A friend asked "Why was Jesus Baptized", I thought about this and meditated on this for awhile and made some notes.

Here is a summary of my notes:

The Trinity

First I think there is a major importance in Christ’s actual baptism.  This is the first time we see the Trinity completely.  We have in this scene of Jesus life, Christ (the man), The Holy Spirit (coming down as a dove), and God (his voice and words).  When you think about it, his baptism exposes who and what he is.  He is the word of God made flesh.  We actually have God's words in Matthew  3:17 , "This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased.".  This when combined with the Holy Spirit and Christ, we see all three persons of God.  We get the glimpse of the pure love that is in the Trinity.

 

To Imitate Christ.

With Jesus being baptized, he is showing us how to convert and be born again anew.  Even thou Christ has no sin, or knows no sin, his baptism shows us the way to repent and to anew ourselves and his baptism still marked a turning point in His life and ministry. Also to show humility to His Father as we should show humility to God's Will.

 

Fulfillment of Prophecy

John tried to prevent him, saying, "I need to be baptized by you, and yet you are coming to me?" Jesus said to him in reply, "Allow it now, for thus it is fitting for us to fulfill all righteousness." Then he allowed him. (Matthew 3:14-15)  
To fulfill all righteousness: in this gospel to fulfill usually refers to fulfillment of prophecy, and righteousness to moral conduct in conformity with God's will. Here, however, as in Matthew 5:6;6:33, righteousness seems to mean the saving activity of God. To fulfill all righteousness is to submit to the plan of God for the salvation of the human race. This involves Jesus' identification with sinners; hence the propriety of his accepting John's baptism.  As well as his identification with sinners, along with Christ's baptism he makes the water Holy thru him and the Holy Spirit.

Noa’s story is a prophecy how God uses water to cleanse, when he saw the world in great sin. So it only makes sense that God would use baptism to cleanse his people. 

 

 Also in Zechariah 13:1 “On that day there shall be open to the house of David and to the inhabitants of Jerusalem, a fountain to purify from sin and uncleanness“                                                                                                                                                         

Another example of God using water to purify is Leviticus 14:6-8.  To summarize,  one is to slay a bird over spring water and the sprinkle the man to be purified from his leprosy.  In those days, leprosy was seen as God’s punishment for breaking God’s law

There are many more, but those are just a few of how the Old Testament used water to purify.

Actually after i wrote that I just noticed there were three points. Three in being the Trinity.

The Ah Ha moment (as my mom calls them) was on the Mystery of Christ.  I was thinking more about why love doesn’t stay.  Why it seems people stray, even if they truly love someone.  I think its because the mystery of love is lost or not seen anymore.  When we get involved with someone, there is this whole mystery of who they are, what they are like, how we are like together.  How our intimacy will be.  It seems that we need this mystery.  Something to keep us searching.  Our humanity needs this.  We are a combination of Heart, Mind and Soul and as humans we can not just feed one, if we do, we feel incomplete.   This leads us to cloud our minds and make poor decisions.   The relationships and marriages that seem to work are the ones that has God working in them.  Its as if the mystery of God works thu their relationship with each other and keeps them engaged, as well with our other relationships/friendships.

I was thinking, since God is all knowing and created us, he must have known the complexity it is for love to manifest for us.  To know God is to know true love.  To love like God, we must be open.  I do not have a child of my own, but I can only assume that the love a parent has for his or her child is just a glimpse of the love God has for us in his eyes.  So since he knew this, he must have known for us human to fully love him that he must stay a mystery, or we would stray.  

Maybe that is why Adam and Eve committed the original sin.  They knew God intimately.  They walked and talked to him in his garden of creation.  But they got bored, they searched for knowledge and ate from the tree of knowledge and defied God.  As a spouse does when they take a bit of the forbidden fruit of lust when they are bored in their relationship, Adam and Eve took a bite out of the forbidden fruit from the tree of knowledge. 

The mystery of the Trinity is needed for us to love God, to keep us from turning away from God.  To keep our hearts, mind and soul engaged in this journey of life and in our journey to love. 

To know God is to know love and to live in love.  That is what we strive for, that is what it is to imitate Christ.

A friend asked "Why was Jesus Baptized"

A friend asked "Why was Jesus Baptized", I thought about this and meditated on this for awhile and made some notes.

Here is a summary of my notes:

The Trinity

First I think there is a major importance in Christ’s actual baptism.  This is the first time we see the Trinity completely.  We have in this scene of Jesus life, Christ (the man), The Holy Spirit (coming down as a dove), and God (his voice and words).  When you think about it, his baptism exposes who and what he is.  He is the word of God made flesh.  We actually have God's words in Matthew  3:17 , "This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased.".  This when combined with the Holy Spirit and Christ, we see all three persons of God.  We get the glimpse of the pure love that is in the Trinity.

 

To Imitate Christ.

With Jesus being baptized, he is showing us how to convert and be born again anew.  Even thou Christ has no sin, or knows no sin, his baptism shows us the way to repent and to anew ourselves and his baptism still marked a turning point in His life and ministry. Also to show humility to His Father as we should show humility to God's Will.

 

Fulfillment of Prophecy

John tried to prevent him, saying, "I need to be baptized by you, and yet you are coming to me?" Jesus said to him in reply, "Allow it now, for thus it is fitting for us to fulfill all righteousness." Then he allowed him. (Matthew 3:14-15)  
To fulfill all righteousness: in this gospel to fulfill usually refers to fulfillment of prophecy, and righteousness to moral conduct in conformity with God's will. Here, however, as in Matthew 5:6;6:33, righteousness seems to mean the saving activity of God. To fulfill all righteousness is to submit to the plan of God for the salvation of the human race. This involves Jesus' identification with sinners; hence the propriety of his accepting John's baptism.  As well as his identification with sinners, along with Christ's baptism he makes the water Holy thru him and the Holy Spirit.

Noa’s story is a prophecy how God uses water to cleanse, when he saw the world in great sin. So it only makes sense that God would use baptism to cleanse his people. 

 

 Also in Zechariah 13:1 “On that day there shall be open to the house of David and to the inhabitants of Jerusalem, a fountain to purify from sin and uncleanness“                                                                                                                                                         

Another example of God using water to purify is Leviticus 14:6-8.  To summarize,  one is to slay a bird over spring water and the sprinkle the man to be purified from his leprosy.  In those days, leprosy was seen as God’s punishment for breaking God’s law

There are many more, but those are just a few of how the Old Testament used water to purify.

Actually after i wrote that I just noticed there were three points. Three in being the Trinity.

The Ah Ha moment (as my mom calls them) was on the Mystery of Christ.  I was thinking more about why love doesn’t stay.  Why it seems people stray, even if they truly love someone.  I think its because the mystery of love is lost or not seen anymore.  When we get involved with someone, there is this whole mystery of who they are, what they are like, how we are like together.  How our intimacy will be.  It seems that we need this mystery.  Something to keep us searching.  Our humanity needs this.  We are a combination of Heart, Mind and Soul and as humans we can not just feed one, if we do, we feel incomplete.   This leads us to cloud our minds and make poor decisions.   The relationships and marriages that seem to work are the ones that has God working in them.  Its as if the mystery of God works thu their relationship with each other and keeps them engaged, as well with our other relationships/friendships.

I was thinking, since God is all knowing and created us, he must have known the complexity it is for love to manifest for us.  To know God is to know true love.  To love like God, we must be open.  I do not have a child of my own, but I can only assume that the love a parent has for his or her child is just a glimpse of the love God has for us in his eyes.  So since he knew this, he must have known for us human to fully love him that he must stay a mystery, or we would stray.  

Maybe that is why Adam and Eve committed the original sin.  They knew God intimately.  They walked and talked to him in his garden of creation.  But they got bored, they searched for knowledge and ate from the tree of knowledge and defied God.  As a spouse does when they take a bit of the forbidden fruit of lust when they are bored in their relationship, Adam and Eve took a bite out of the forbidden fruit from the tree of knowledge. 

The mystery of the Trinity is needed for us to love God, to keep us from turning away from God.  To keep our hearts, mind and soul engaged in this journey of life and in our journey to love. 

To know God is to know love and to live in love.  That is what we strive for, that is what it is to imitate Christ.